David and Faye Wethrow have an adopted daughter with special needs. Based in Canada, they surveyed a large number of families to produce this set of principles. The term ‘social work’ is wider than in the UK, reproduced by permission (PARNET, Cerebra’s Parents Network, Winter/Spring 2004 Bulletin).

• First, last and always, operate with empathy (this was mentioned by dozens of respondents); Practice ‘walking in the shoes’ of the family or the individual; get to know what their day-to-day reality is like...

• Please do not assume that difficult behaviors – especially in children – are a result of emotional disturbance, abuse, or neglect without helping the family rule out any medical, neurological or biochemical causes.
• Smash the belief that the presence of a child with a disability wreaks havoc in a family, leading to depression, marital breakup, etc. More than anything I would want you to understand that it is not the child but the society that causes families to break apart. Please take the blame away from the kids.
• Recognize hat having disabilities in one’s family does not mean that there is something wrong with the family or that it is broken and needs ‘fixed’.
• Be prepared to address the express interests of the family, and at the same time be very clear about what you can and cannot do – about your role and the limits of your craft.
• Although families might know a great deal about their own children, don’t assume that they know a great deal about the ‘ins and outs’ of the social service system. Don’t wait for them to ask the right question’ about what’s available – tell them.
• One of the most important things that social workers can do is to be absolutely on top of support group services, programs advocacy groups, etc., and share this knowledge very freely.
• Ask parents what they have been told and understand about their child’s condition – an inaccurate prognosis can have a devastating effect on a parent-child relationship, and can be emotionally overwhelming.
• Take parent concerns seriously, and don’t rush to judgment in assuming that the parents are ‘hyper-vigilant’ or over concerned.
• Speak to the gifts.
• Give families hope.
• Recognize the ‘strains’ that might be present between
  1) why you came into the field of social work in the first place,
  2) how social work training defines and shapes our practice,
  3) how the organizations we work for define and shape our practice,
  4) what parents and consumers want in the social work role.
• Stay actively involved with consumers and families; take the time to understand the family’s needs; make yourself available in ‘off’ hours (most family crises don’t happen between 9 and 5 on weekdays).
• Be willing to listen to alternatives, brainstorm to find solutions, know the difference between policy and law and how to be flexible with policy. Don’t be too apprehensive about applying for waivers or exceptions.
• Understand that families have developed a great deal of expertise about the medical issues facing their children – treat the families like the trained allies they have learned to be. Let them be your partner.
• Take the time to learn something about the specific disabilities of the individuals and families you’re serving. Do some outside reading. Use the internet.
• Please don’t judge the family you’re working with, especially if the family includes an child with a disability. Realize how biased judgment can be. Judgment can be the toughest thing a social worker can do to a family. Judgment can be very intrusive and can be unfair.
• Look at all children and adults with disabilities and their families as individuals. It is very easy to talk about kids or families ‘like these’, but most of us don’t fit into any mould. We all have different strengths and needs, even if we look alike ‘on paper’.
• Be compassionate, but don’t pity us. We need support, encouragement and understanding. We do not need sympathy, condescension or superiority.
• Get to really know some families and individuals with disabilities.
• See the family as a whole more often.
• Recognize what a huge responsibility you have.

© 2003 David and Faye wetherow, CommunityWorks, 911 Terrien Way, Parksville, BC V9P1T2, Canada. Tel: [00 1] 250 248-2531.